Monthly Archives: May 2009

Excuse Me While I Rant!

I love my boyfriend. He is incredible, amazing, and every day with him is exciting. The littlest things through the day remind me of him, and I am constantly trying to think of ways to make his day better. I love him. He is the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with. We say on more then one occasion that we have “movie love”. That walk across the room while everyone else fades into the background, hear music, dance on the top of a mountain love.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Once you’re married, it’ll be different. Things change when you have responsibilities. We have that now. We have three amazing kids that we are raising, a teenager, with all that fun, an almost teenager that is going to hit that stage MUCH to soon, and a “thinks” he’s a teenager who has more then a few years before he gets there. We’ve had our house (Well, 3 of them to be exact) and all the joy that comes with that. the household chores, the bills etc.

Let me describe a conversation I had with a married friend of mine last night:

S: How’s (wife) and (kids)?
W: Kids are great! I’ve finally got them all to myself for the weekend.
S: Oh yeah? Where’s (wife)?
W: She’s gone camping. Thank God! she’s driving me nuts!
S: Why??
W: She’s just always here! And she took my pillow camping with her!
S: So? Its a pillow.
W: But its MY pillow. Its just one more thing that’s not MINE anymore. Its MY pillow. I’m not going to be able to sleep without it tonight. I think I need a drink to calm myself down.
S: Over a Pillow?!?

She’s always here. She stole my pillow. REALLY? Come on!!

Here’s a couple more actual complaints I’ve heard:

(Husband) doesn’t listen when I tel him to do something with the kids.

(Wife) wants me to be the one to ALWAYS (insert chore here) why can’t she do it?

(Husband) doesn’t help around the house.

I love ALL my married friends. You guys are great! And I know that marriage can be tough. But if you could allow me a second to say something…

You get to share EVERY day with your spouse in some form or another. You wake up together. You fall asleep together, you share a meal together. At some point today you will have the ability to hug your spouse. To reach out and hold their hand for no reason.

I am a country apart from my spouse. The option to just sit and hold hands left 9 weeks ago when he did. I can’t share sections of the newspaper with him, I cant call him over to read a silly email over my shoulder. We cannot sit and enjoy the silence of a morning coffee/tea together or the chaos of getting the kids ready for school. I would LOVE for him to be close enough to steal my pillow.

Don’t take each other for granted. I know most of us have busy schedules, I know there are mornings that it feels like you don’t have enough time to breath. But fitting those moments in are something you NEED to do.

Set your alarm for half an hour earlier so you have those 30 min to talk to your partner about plans for the day. Those last few minutes in bed too important to you? Then set aside time after the kids are in bed. I know laundry is calling. I know those dishes need to make their way to the dishwasher, but after ALL that is done, 30 min extra isn’t such a big deal. When you are driving somewhere and you have those moments together in the front seat? Take advantage of them. Make your kids lunches/pack their bags the night before so that you can have those few moments before school starts.

Some of the “rules” in our house are our “5 more minutes rule” in the AM’s. When setting our alarm for the morning, we usually try to account for those 5 that turn into 15 min’s. The alarm goes off and we automatically say “5 more minutes” then we spend that time talking about our plans for the day, things we need to get done etc. Those 5 min usually run a little longer, and eventually Hayden comes and joins us, and we talk to him about plans for HIS day, and what he’s going to do. Then we get up and sometimes it makes us a little more rushed, but we get through it because those “5 more min” are so important to us.

We also have our “days” chat. That’s what I used to call it when Hayden was little. When it’d be his bedtime, I’d lay down with him and and he’d say “lets talk about days”. and he’s tell me what things he did at the sitters and I’d tell him something about my day. Shel and I adopted the same practice almost by accident. With a set of little ears around the house (or 3 sets as the case may be) there isn’t always a chance to talk about things that need to be talked about. So we started talking about them before we’d go to sleep. That kept up for a little while and then we found ourselves saying “So what do you want to talk about tonight?” Our nightly no holds barred talk have gotten us past some pretty major stuff.

We hold hands while we’re watching TV, or driving in the car, or reading books. When we’re sitting at the dinner table, one of us will rest our foot on top of the other ones. Its just a little thing but its a special thing for us.

Maybe its because we spent so much time apart already, its funny what loving someone for 15 years can do to your perspective on things. Maybe it that we both have counselling Backgrounds, maybe its because we’ve both got some pretty heavy baggage, but those little things make our day and the big things, we don’t sweat. We don’t fight about money, or about household chores. The big stuff, we sit down and talk through.

Now… who’s turn it is to take Bernie out, or Who takes too long in the bathroom… Don’t get us started.

Oh.. and P.S… Wes, its a pillow! Get over it!

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Posted by on May 30, 2009 in Uncategorized


Day 1. UGH!

Ugh! that’s the only word for it. Hayden got up at 6 with a “numb ear” as he described it. I got up, checked it out, had him pop a couple Advil and snuggled back down to finish my morning nap. I closed my eyes and went “Ugh! My first walk today.” I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep, so I tried to think of what route I was going to take.

I love my sleep, and I haven’t gotten very much of it in the last almost 90 days. As I lay in bed my mind started to wander from “walk!walk!walk!” to “if I clean the house this am, I might be able to sneak in a nap before Hayden gets home.” and as quick as that, exercise this AM was forgotten.

I got out of bed and said “No! Today I am going for a walk!”

Time for breakfast. I’ve decided to keep track of what I’m eating since according to my lovely adviser, it’s about 75-80% what your eating and 20-25% exercise that affects your weight loss.

So with that in mind, I skip over the sugary cereal Hayden and I usually share, and pour myself a bowl of Guardian. We sit down to eat, read a book, and I’m feeling pretty good. Maybe I should have one of those small oranges to keep my sugar up. Still feeling good. Put the second orange back after realizing I don’t really need 2. I get Hayden’s lunch together, and pop in a fruit roll up for his treat for the day. I’ve got 1/2 of one in my mouth before I realize I’ve even opened it.

Hmmm.. this is going to be harder then I thought. I’m going for my WALK.

Wait! should I bring my camera? No… she said not to stop. So no camera. I’m GOING for my walk!

Crap! I should have charged my iPod (well.. Shel’s iPod.. thanks baby!)I wonder if I have time to do that before I go… hmm… where is my cord? I think its in the Wii bin. I need to sort through that and pack it anyways… NO!! I’M GOING FOR MY WALK!!


I’m back from my walk!! Yay!!!

I didn’t do an hour. I walked for 55 min, not counting the time walking TO school with Hayden, which I’m not sure if I should count or not.

And I stopped a couple times. I had to. Because my calf muscles felt like they were on fire. But it was only long enough to stop, stretch my ankles and legs and then got back to it.

It was actually cool. and I’m feeling pretty good about it. A little wet because I walked off the path a couple times, but it was cool. I saw a lot of beautiful birds out for breakfast, a totally cool new white water spot in the ravine. I also found another dead animal. Whatever it was has no skin left on it, and some pretty sharp teeth. I think it was either a fox or a small dog. It was curled up as if it had been sleeping, which made me wonder if it was an animal someone couldn’t afford to bury, and it made me pretty sad to think about. But… back to the walk…

Will I carry through and do it again? Yeah, I think I will. Are there things I will change? Yeah.

  • I’ll charge my iPod. I think the music would have made the time go a lot faster.
  • I’ll change my route a little. There’s only so many times you can pass the same house in an hour before they call the cops.
  • I’m still on the fence about the camera. I missed some great shots today, and if I had it with me I might enjoy it a little better.

Do I have any tips from my experience today? Just one. I set my alarm when I left Hayden’s school. I set it for 30 min, so that if I was walking somewhere far, it would be my clue to turn around and start walking back (so at the end of an hour I didn’t collapse in the middle of no where and not be able to get home.) After the 30 min went, I set it to go off at 10 min intervals so I could keep track of the time, and it was a great mini goal t go “10 more min”.

Whew.. now time to get down to business for the day.

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Posted by on May 29, 2009 in Uncategorized


Woo Hoo!! Time to get in shape!!

I went on a mission today. to get the most relevant info I could about getting back into shape.

What did I find? a LOT of confusing messages. here are a couple f the crazy diets I stumbled across: (btw.. no offence to anyone who has tried any of these. I’ve done a couple of them myself)

Cabbage Soup Diet
Grapefruit Diet
All Carb Diet
Low Carb Diet
Low Protien Diet
High Protien Diet
7 Day Diet
Russian Airforce Diet
The G.I Diet
The Zone

But my fav to read was probably the Bread and Butter diet:

Day One:
Breakfast:1 slice whole wheat bread1 teaspoon butter or margarine1/2 cup orange juice
Lunch:3.5 ounces drained water-pack tunagree salad1 slice protein bread1 teaspoon butter or margarine 1 small apple
Dinner:4 ounces broiled cod1cup steamed broccoli1/2 cup steamed peas1 slice rye bread1 teaspoon butter or margarine1 orange

Seriously.. I have clients in prison I KNOW eat better then that.

Then there are the counting diets… and my brain starts to hurt just thinking of all that stuff to remember.

Count Carbs
Count Calories
Count Sugar Content
Count Fat
Count Fiber
Count Points

My 7 year old will look at every package that his food comes from and announce how many calories are in it. Its too much!! I was on overload and exhausted before I had even started.

How to know which is the right one and which is the wrong one? It was time to get professional help. NOT that kind… that’s LONG overdue. So I asked around, trying to find someone who could help. And thankfully I did. At the end of my blogs I’ll track my progress so you know how its going, and so I’ll have some accountability.

We’re starting small so my body can get used to the idea of… moving again. 🙂

My assignment this week:

Go for an hour long walk/jog every day that it is not raining out immediately after you drop Hayden off at school.

Start after you drop him off, and walk at a medium pace. If you can push yourself to do it, alternate jogging with walking (this might make you feel stupid, but it is actually the best way to work your body up to getting used to exercise). Even if you jog for one minute, walk for two. To judge whether or not you are working hard enough, you should be breathing heavily but not so heavily that you couldn’t put a few words together in a sentence. That’s it.

There are several benefits:

-Making this the first thing on your list of things to do will get it out of the way. It is only one hour, and when it’s over, you don’t have to think about it for the rest of the day!-On days when you don’t feel like it, you can trick yourself by saying “Well it isn’t raining today, but one day soon it will and I can have a day off then”.
-You will notice that you will be able to jog for longer and longer periods, even if it means a difference of one minute at a time, and this will motivate you.
-It’s free!

Why it won’t work:

-If you walk too slowly, you won’t see any results. You do need to push yourself a little and think about your goal while you’re in motion instead of how much you don’t want to do it.
-You shave minutes off your time with little breaks or arriving home too soon. Whatever you do, DON’T STOP MOVING.
-You find reasons not to do it at all. The hardest part about exercising as an adult is simply that as adults we are used to being our own bosses. You need to just give yourself a command and don’t allow yourself to compromise it!

Great things about it… Bernie will get his walk in too. So I’m going to change it a tiny bit. I’ll take Hayd to school, then come home, get bern, and do my hour.

Wish me luck!!

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Posted by on May 29, 2009 in Uncategorized


Random Random Random

Shel is at work tonight. Its Graduation and Birthday night at the centre, so he wont be home for a while. Which leaves me sitting here, listening to the rain fall outside, and the squeak of Bernie’s teeth against my sandal.

Wait a sec…


Where was I… oh yeah… listening to the rain falling outside and Bernie huffing at me because I took my sandal away. So what to do till Shel’s off work? Blog Blog Blog.

Random thoughts drift through my mind. So why not share them with you?

  • What can I do to get this house back in shape? I’ve dropped over 35 bags and boxes off at goodwill. (I know! Its not the S.A. thrift store. But.. have you tried donating there lately? fail… so… goodwill it is) What else can I get rid of? Better yet… what can I sell. Do you think Hayden will notice the lizard tank gone? Spottie died a couple months ago and he hasn’t noticed THAT yet…
  • What can I do to get me back in shape? UGH! I hate the thought of it! But I hate the thought of staying like this. So what can I do? Time to get up and get moving. I was planning a run last week. But I think that was reaching a bit. So… time for walkies. I LOVE to walk. and I know Bernie would love to have a couple extra walks included in his day.
  • Should I blog about my attempt to get back in shape? Do I have the guts to put that stuff out there for everyone to read when I’m JUST getting used to not erasing my pictures? I would LOVE to do it. LOVE LOVE LOVE, because maybe, just maybe it could help someone else. But… that’s a LOT of pressure.
  • Why did that cat leave that half eaten bird on my back porch? is it yucky I want to take pictures of it? Why didn’t it eat the heart and stomach. I would think that is full of yummy goodness. WHO is going to clean that up? and… How much would YOU eat that for? (A gross game we used to play at the clinic to help us get past the bad moments… you never look at spaghetti and meatballs the same way after your first large dog neuter.
  • Bernie is feeling better!! Yay!!! about time. Noe lets see how his new food goes over… and… that small piece of sandal I couldn’t get from him in time.
  • Random! Random! Random! – Crap! I just lost the game.
  • Congrats… you are now playing the game. (I’m sorry! really I am!)
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Posted by on May 28, 2009 in Uncategorized


Fly me to the moon!!

Wow! 8 and 1/2 weeks already! I can’t say they flew but I can’t say they dragged either. We’ve filled the time as best we can, and its actually been pretty cool (aside from the heart wrenching miss you’s). Yesterday, I got some pretty rotten news. Shel’s visa paperwork had been lost and the whole process needed to be started over. For those of you who don’t know, we’ve plans for a visit have been centered around his visa. Once it came through, he’d be coming up to get our stuff. So delayed visa meant delayed visit.

Or did it?

Once you have entered the USA to “visit” which is technically what he’s been doing since going and not having a Visa, you are allowed to remain for a maximum of 90 days. And then you need to return to your home country. what does that mean for us? A VISIT!!!!!!! In the closer then planned future!

I am so excited I could… I don’t know!! There is so much to do!! Time to make one of my handy dandy to do lists.

  1. Time to get my house in tip top shape!! hmm.. looking around the room at yesterdays packing/gutting experience, this could be harder then I thought.
  2. Looking in the mirror, the house isn’t the only thing that needs to get back in tip top shape. Having your boyfriend leave to country, and not working can send you into a bit of a downward slump… and by that I mean… (looking at empty cookie wrappers on night side table)… I need to get out of this slump. I am open to any and ALL suggestions, these extra few pounds have GOT to go. Anyone got any tips? 🙂 I’m going for the full package make over here. My hair tried to call 911 last night. It had to be stopped.
  3. Money!! Not working has completely depleted my already fragile savings account. It may be time for a garage sale. Maybe a bake sale? I need a venue. hmm… time to start looking.
  4. Bernie! My 120 pound adopted child. We are going to have problems. He loves me. He loves Shel. But he does not love US. He’s a very possessive dog, and as far as he is concerned, “Mama” is all his. He’s a pretty smart guy, and knows how to get what he wants. If Shel and I are sitting together on the couch, and Shel puts his arm around me, Bernie goes on full mischief mode. It usually goes something like this. Shel will put his arm around me. Bernie will get up, walk over to us, and start to bark at Shel. Shel will tell him to stop. Bernie will pretend he didn’t hear, and then try to jump up on Shel (still barking). When that doesn’t work, Bernie will trot off and find SOMETHING, ANYthing he shouldn’t have, pick it up and walk over to show Shel. Shel will tell him to drop it. Bernie will lay down and proceed to try and “eat” whatever it is he has grabbed. Shel will get up to get it from him. Bernie will lead him away from the couch, then drop the “thing” and run back to the couch, and jump up in Shel’s spot and start laughing when Shel comes back and finds him there. We defiantly need to work on that before the visit

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Posted by on May 27, 2009 in Uncategorized


You have to have a sence of humour

Even the best made plans can go haywire. Yesterday was a holiday in the states, so Shel and I were able to get a bit more time together then we usually do. Which was a good thing because last night did NOT go according to plan.

During the afternoon we made homework for ourselves. It was something that required Internet and… well power. Pretty basic stuff. Shel went out to grab some dinner, and the sun was bright and shining down on him. He got back, we started talking about our homework and.. all of a sudden he was gone. I couldn’t find him. He wasn’t chatting and I was a little worried.

I got an email a few min later from his blackberry saying that there was a storm. Power out, thunder, lightning, and torrential downpour. and there went our evening. 😦

We seem to have the worst timing sometimes. But you HAVE to laugh at it. It can be easy to get frustrated. Even to take it out on the other person. But try not to. Power failures, an extra shift, or even a staff meeting can pop up out of no where. Don’t let it get to you. What did I do last night? grabbed a quick nap. I had been needing on, and I was already missing my time with him. (To be honest it wasn’t really a planned nap but it was obvious that I needed it none the less.) The power came back on and then we had some time together before our usual night watch.

Do other things. we emailed back and forth. if both of our laptops had been charged, we could have played the same game from our downloaded pile. Or started reading “our” book. Do what you can. Because if you don’t you’ll end up kicking yourself for it, because planned or not, its time you still could have spent together.

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Posted by on May 26, 2009 in Uncategorized


I’ve been a Bad Bad Blogger!

Ok so it’s been a couple days since my last post… not because NOTHING’s been going on, but because I just haven’t had the time. It was Hayden’s Birthday weekend, and so my time was spent getting ready for the non-party party. It was also Doors Open weekend, which meant Toronto had 150 buildings open to the public for free. It was very cool!! We took advantage of it to make the weekend a little extra special. BUT… there was def something missing. Having this weekend without Shel was SO hard! We included him as much as possible… Overly detailed accounts of what was going on, frequent emails and texts, and phone calls. Over 450 pictures from the weekend covered most of the events.

Its a hard day. Shel’s parents are coming to T.O. for a few days, and it makes it hard, because all we were thinking was… if only he had the time off, he could have come too. but he’s working 14-15 hours a day right now, so time off just isn’t a reality right now. So last night we were talking about it, and it was pretty sad… but… we both know and understand the ins and outs of it… but it doesn’t make it any easier. :s Its a holiday in the states today, so at least he can catch up on some rest.

So today I will spend my day trying to think of how to make the next couple days just a little extra special. I’ll let you know what I come up with.


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Posted by on May 25, 2009 in Uncategorized