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Monthly Archives: June 2009

A moment about the 4 legged love of my life.

I LOVE my dog. He drives me crazy, I’ve spent days on end just following him around the house saying “No Bernie!” but… when it boils down to it… I adore my dog. As I type this, he is wandering from room to room, something he isn’t often allowed to do, and enjoying the new smells and treats he discovers. He is one crazy dog. He hates his roommates the hamsters, and runs to tell on them when they are making noise. If he gets away with something with me that he’s not allowed to do, he’ll run over to his daddy and brag about it. Last night when my dad got home from work, Bernie and I were just walking in from the backyard. He ran up to the van trying to jump through dads window panting, chuffing, and looking around the neighbourhood, trying to tell poppy how his day was.

I like to think of myself as a responsible pet owner. But it took some work. We’ve done training classes, tricks to keep his mind occupied, regular vet visits, feeding him the best food possible for his 101 stomach issues, we even paid a trainer $50 a week to take him for 1 walk a week to leash train him. ok, so that one seems a bit excessive looking back on it, but we did what we could.

I was VERY fortunate to work at a GREAT veterinary clinic, with some of the most amazing staff, and a VERY talented, VERY knowledgeable vet, all of which made raising a crazy puppy a little easier.

We had no idea what we were doing when we got Bernie. When we got him, it took our then 14 year old son 4 days to house train him. It was great!! We weren’t sure if crate training was for us, so the first couple nights, we tried to get him used to sleeping with us in our room. When he was sick so young, it worked well for us to have him close in case an emergency came up middle of the night. Bernie never really liked the open space of our bedroom (Mississauga was a GREAT house) so we got a couple baby gates, and when bedtime came, set him up in the kitchen. This worked great, and he took to it right away.

Fast forward a couple days to when the we take the boys to the airport. We rushed out of the house after an impromptu birthday party for Rhys, put the dog in the kitchen, and out we went. We got home a couple hours later and it was a scene out of a comic strip. We pulled up in front of the house, and the curtain rod in the front window was down across the window. Hmmmthat’s strange. We put the key in the door, and hear a bark pretty close to the door. Not a good sign when the kitchen is in the back of the house. In we go and a fuzzball with a grin from ear to ear is lying on the landing (the ONLY carpeted place in the house) nest to a little present for us. We quickly survey the damage, and find the 1/2 of Rhys’s birthday cake that was left… gone… no where to be found. The knife we used to cut it is laying in the bathroom licked clean and spotless. There are about 4 rolls of toilet paper missing, and in what I’m sure is a completely unrelated matter, there has been a sudden “spitball blizzard” in the kitchen. There are socks we’re sure we’ve never seen since.

So Shel went out that afternoon and bought a crate. We crate trained him, and he loved it! Dogs by nature feel comfortable in a secure, clean, semi-darkened nesting space, away from all other distractions. When things get crazy, you can find Bernie snuggled down in his crate, away from the fuss. Its great, its helped with his anxiety, and really does relax him. Am I writing this to tell you that you should crate train your dog? no. (but I think you should 🙂 )

I’m writing because I’m a selfish owner. I’m writing because I want my dog to cuddle with me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s 120lbs of lapdog, and will crawl up onto my lap whenever I’m sitting down, but.. I’m laying in bed today, keeping Hayden company while he’s sick. And I want Bernie to keep ME company. I want him to lay on the bed and snuggle in. Doggy snores and pushes, and all of the fun stuff that comes with an afternoon nap with your puppy. But Bernie wont hear of it. He has to be bribed to even get on the bed. He’s not comfortable with “cushy” spaces. He likes to lay on the floor, or in his crate. If you put a blanket in his crate, he’ll either rip it up, or push it to the corner of the crate and turn his back to it. I’m thinking of keeping him in here tonight when bedtime comes, to see how he does. But I’m not sure its Bernie proof enough. I’ll let you know. 😛

 
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Posted by on June 26, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

:S

I haven’t been doing very well in keeping up with my posts. Not for lack f anything happening, but more for lack or coherent thought. Shel left Saturday. Today is Wednesday. 4 days ago. We went 65-70 without seeing each other. 4 days should be a slice of pie for me. So why, as I sit here trying to think of something to blog about, are tears rolling down onto my keyboard?

Some days are easy. Some days I can look ahead and see the end of the rainbow… well.. not rainbow… something sadder and darker.. but.. I can see the end, and I know everything will be fine. Today… I’m sad. I miss him like crazy, and nothing I seem to do changes that. I’m back to sleeping only a few hours here and there, my motivation has gone out the window, and I’m just.. Sad. My heart feels like its slugging along to beat, and it feels like every breath without him is such an effort. He’s back at work, and getting ready to head out on the road again so I’m trying really hard to give him that space he needs to get things done, and focus on what he needs to focus on right now, which means our daily emails have gone from say.. 20 to about 3. He’s been busy the last few nights so I only get a few min with him before bedtime, and I don’t fault him any of those things, but it just all adds up to this weight that feels like its hovering over me.

I miss him. And its only been 4 days. It sucks.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

My Beloved One

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

What a week!!

Let me start by saying SORRY to those of you we didn’t get to see during Shel’s visit. We wanted to get to see everyone, but we also needed some MUCH overdue family time.

Shel’s 2:00 flight became an 8:00 one after the original flight was cancelled. So any plans for Saturday went out the window and it became a waiting game to see if stand by flights, car rentals, etc would come through.

Sunday we took Hayden down to the bluffs to feed the birds (Yes, I know we’re not supposed to, but come on you do it too!). After we ran out of bird food, we decided to go to the beach. but instead, as we were driving over, we noticed that the Scarborough Bluffs Sailing Club was having an open house. We turned in, and after a tour of the club were offered a sail. Which was GREAT! We left there and headed to a picnic in the park with some friends. Home to a jigs dinner, and we were tuckered out for the day.

Monday Hayden went to school, so Shel and I spent a GREAT day together scouting out the location of our photo shoot (Humber Bay Park). Shel and I LOVE to just “be” and it was great to go and just sit on the rocks with each other, and have some much missed alone time. We picked up Hayden from School and headed out to Colberg and the “Big Apple”. (which was closed, and actually not all that fun, but it was a family trip. and We were lacking in that department for sure!

Tuesday was the day of the Photo shoot, and we had a lot of time with my friend Milica and her daughter as we got some great shots. We picked Hayden up from school, and then went and got his hair cut. I know it doesn’t sound too exciting, but Hayden has refused to cut his hair for about 5 months!

Wednesday we went to the science fair, and Thursday we kept Hayden out of school and went to Fort York Armoury and then in the afternoon, Shel taught Hayden to ride his bike. Friday cousins came in to say goodbye to Shel, then we went on a date that included Dump and a Movie. 🙂

So it was a pretty packed week, and not nearly enough time together, but it was great to have him here with us, with all the hugs you could ask for.

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

I’ll have an order of Social Anxiety with OCD and a Diet Coke on the side, please?

Hello. My name is Sharon, and I have a problem.

Well, a couple lol, but let’s not go there. The first step to help is admitting there is a problem. so here it goes. 😛

I can be a little obsessive.

And by that generalized term, I mean, I have obsessive compulsive tendencies (which means not full blown OCD) accompanied by Social Anxiety Disorder. The OCt manifests at times of high stress or anxiety. When my life is chaos, and it feels like the sky is falling, I can be found in the deepest darkest corner of the basement (or Dungeon, when I was working at Flo Bo) cleaning, sorting, packing, organizing, purging, etc.

Who wouldn’t love a mental illness that leads to clean basements, labeled containers or mass purging? There are times when I embrace my “disorder” (which, when you think about it is a funny term for it). Going through college, I earned extra $ by helping my S-I-L clean her house which gave her more time with the baby. Awesome for both of us. My midterms coming up? no, I do not want to join your study group, but.. I will come to your house and re-fold all your bathroom towels so that each is folded 3 ways (i like 3’s).

Luckily Hayden seems to only exhibit few OCt markers. His toys and books are scattered everywhere, but his OCt seems to be in routine. DO NOT change Hayden’s routine. It will lead to a major melt down! Change in general seems to be something he does not handle at all. If we know something big is coming up, Shel and I will start talking to Hayden about it MONTHS in advance… as soon as something is decided, we need to start telling him, and walk him through it. I guess with MANY different aspects of mental illness in his genes on his other side of the chromosome, I will gladly take a the resistance to change.

But back to my OCt. Having it manifest most prevalent through anxiety means that as a student, I was the kid who had 3 weeks notice on my paper for “Cognitive Therapy vs. Alternatives” but didn’t start it till about the day before. (And still managed to get an A- on it) For me, a healthy level of anxiety is actually very beneficial. So why am I telling you this? 2 reasons.


The first is that this weekend is possibly one of the best weekends of my life. (I’m not telling why!) I have a LOT to do before Saturday comes. My room is… messy. VERY messy. My living room is FULL of boxes that are waiting to go to good will or be sorted. My laundry room runnith over with CLEAN clothes that I am not motivated to fold. There is a LOT to do. and Saturday is FOUR days away. I’m not panicked yet. I know I can get it done. So I walk around, and do a little of this, or a little of that. I’ve put all our shoes in the shoe container. I’ve cleaned the bathroom 3 times, I’ve sorted through a couple boxes. But my heart is not into it. I am not in panic mode. YET. So as much as I try, its just not happening. However, when Friday hits, and the countdown to Saturday has made it to hours instead of days, you may want to keep your distance, because my anxiety will be through the roof, which means it should take… about an hour and a 1/2 to get the house in order. You may think that’s an exaggeration, but ask Shawn, Krys or Shel. They’ve learned to just step back and enjoy the show.

The second reason is that eventually Shawn Krys or Shel are going to tell you the following, and laugh at me (as I am as I type this), so I might as well get it over with.( 😛 ) I have found at times the best way to ward off an anxiety attack is to embrace my coping mechanisms (my OCt). Not in a vast clean the house way, but in a way that allows me to feel “order” and distraction. Sometimes that will mean I call Shel and say “Tell me something”, which is his cue I may soon have an attack, and he’ll tell me about his lunch, or a silly story from work, or even just ramble about a news story he saw. It distracts me enough to feel like I’m re-gaining control, and lets me get to my handy bottle of Rescue (homeopathic treatment for anxiety that I keep in almost every room of the basement). But that’s not always an option. But on to the reason I thought about this for my rambling blog today.

The other way I deal with my anxiety through distraction are believe it or not, through computer games. Specific ones that feed my OCt and help me focus on tasks enough to not head into a full blown attack. Let me introduce you to my friend Flo. She owns a diner. and with my help, she can raise enough money to keep the diner from going under. Or meet Sally. She is taking over the family farm, and needs MY help to grow and harvest the crops, collect the honey, milk the cows, make the cheese, process the ketchup, sheer the sheep, bottle the jam AND feed the ostrich all within 5 min while filling specific orders. Keeping count of items, doing repetitive tasks in a specific order, and marinating a balance all help keep the anxiety fairies at bay. Saturday afternoon my nephew and I were both playing Ranch Rush (or rancho relaxo as I like to call it for all you Simpsons fans), and I was trying to organize my farm to increase productivity, and my nephew was trying to beat the clock on his round. They will laugh and tell you how my OCt taught me some great tips I could share with Joseph so he could beat his game. And the three of them, Shawn Krys and Shel, will also tell you that they each got a message from me this am saying some variation of the following: “I’m stuck on week 2 of DQ Tycoon and the Blizzard Machine is mocking me!”

Hmmmm. That means my anxiety IS starting to climb, and the house may be done sooner then I thought.

🙂

 
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Posted by on June 9, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

I LOVE you!

If you’ll give me a second, there’s something I need to say to someone 🙂

I love you. I have loved you all my life. I have loved you before I knew I did, and I will love you FOREVER. I love that when I have a bad moment, you are right there to tell me its OK. I love that you do silly little things to make you smile. I love watching you read your book. I love watching you play a game. I love watching you when you don’t know I’m watching, and I love watching you when you’re pretending you don’t know. I love you because you are ALWAYS there for me no matter what. I LOVE you for every crazy, spazzy, dreamy, incredible moment we’ve had together, and I LOVE you for all the hard harsh emotional moments we’ve survived.

I love every second we spend together, and I love every min of this crazy hard distance between us now, because we have to come up with creative ways to remind each other of this great thing we have.

I love the crazed sap you’ve turned me into. I love the feeling of peace that loving you has given me. I love that you know all my baggage and love me anyways. I love that you know me better then I know myself most days, and I love the feeling of falling in love with you over and over EVERY single day.

I love that you are my soul mate, I love that by loving you I now believe in soul mates. I love that we are going to get the happily ever after we have dreamed of. I love that one day I will be your wife. I love that we will sit on our porch, in our rockers waiting for our grand kids to come, and I love that I will get to spend the next 50-60 years together.

I love that I got this silly sappy (and poorly written) love poem emailed to me, and I love that every word in it applies to me and you:

If I had but one breath of life left in me,I’d give you that breath.
If I had but one piece of music and one song left to sing,I’d play and sing for you.
If I had but one tiny drop of love locked safely within my heart,I’d give you the key.
If I could look into but one last set of gorgeous dark brown eyes,I’d want those eyes to be yours.
If I could feel the passion and tenderness of but one last kiss,I’d want those lips to be yours.
If I could hear but one last voice whispering in my ear, I’d want that voice to be yours.

… I just thought you should know. I LOVE YOU!
 
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Posted by on June 7, 2009 in Uncategorized

 

comfortable? me? no way!

“Love means never having to say your sorry.”

“Those who make you cry aren’t worth your tears, and those who are would never make you cry.”

There are hundreds of cliches out there that we hear all the time. I watched “He’s just not that into you” yesterday, and the following 2 scene got me thinking.

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

and

Gigi: I think I’ve figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they’re married and crazy in love?
Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don’t really care about you very much.
Janine: Ok.
Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we’re not the exception we’re the rule.

People are always giving us advice, pearls of wisdom, words to the wise, and telling us what we want to hear to make ourselves feel better about things. For example someone once imparted on me the following words of wisdom. “Love means never having to do something you’re not comfortable with.” What a load of … you can guess what! When you fall in love, you tell your partner your deepest darkest secrets. You tell them things about you that you would never tell anyone else. It’s like Superman giving Lex Luther a mayo jar of Kryptonite and saying “Can you hold this for me?” We all do it, but when you like at it like that, is it a comfortable feeling? At some point during your relationship you’re going to feel awkward, exposed and unsure. THOSE are not comfortable feelings. But we do it. Because in doing it we become closer to our partners. We do if FOR love, BECAUSE of love and most of us will find it, at some point, uncomfortable.

I HATE having my picture taken. I think that in my pictures, I look like Ricky Lake’s inbred cousin.. and not cute Ricky Lake.. fat hideous talk show Ricky Lake. Whenever anyone takes a picture of me, my immediate reaction is plotting how to get the camera, and how to erase it. And.. I do. At some point during the night after you’ve taken my picture, I’ll ask to look at the shots you’ve taken. Or maybe you’ve put it down somewhere and walked away for a min. The result is the same either way. You’ll be looking through the pictures later, and you’ll say “hmm… I thought I took one of Sharon”. but there will be NOTHING to prove you did. My family, my friends, they all know that a camera pointed at me means all out war to get those pictures erased.

Because of that, I have very few pictures of Shel and I. VERY few. Looking through my picture folders right now, I can count… 5. In a 2 year relationship.. with an average of about 4,000 pictures taken in 9 months (Yes, I HAVE counted), and some SUPER cool adventures… 5 pictures. I know he thinks I’m silly. I know he would love to have pictures of us, and I know that he hates it when I erase them. So… Time for me to step out of my comfort zone. Time for me to step way out of my comfort zone.

Shel is coming home for a visit. (I KNOW!!!!! But don’t ask when because I am NOT going to jinx it!). I am more excited then I have EVER been. (well, with one plane ride exception, but… that’s a different story) And I want this visit to be special. I want to make him SO happy he came home. So… in the spirit of making him happy, I talked to a friend of mine who is wanting to get some photography experience, and we’ve arranged a photo shoot of sorts for when he’s here. A full day of pictures of us. and at the end, hopefully a picture he can put on his desk at work or slip into his wallet to flash around (:P). The strangest part? I’m actually excited about it!!

For me… love is stepping out of my comfort zone, and feeling comfortable about doing it.

oh yeah… and… Randy, Krys, Mom, Dad, Kirby, Rochelle, Brenda, Terry, Jessica, Judy, Jaqi, Shel, Shannon, Cathy, and everyone else I forgot… sorry about your camera.

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2009 in Uncategorized