There are hundreds of cliches out there that we hear all the time. I watched “He’s just not that into you” yesterday, and the following 2 scene got me thinking.
Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
Gigi: I think I’ve figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they’re married and crazy in love?
Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.
Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don’t really care about you very much.
Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we’re not the exception we’re the rule.
People are always giving us advice, pearls of wisdom, words to the wise, and telling us what we want to hear to make ourselves feel better about things. For example someone once imparted on me the following words of wisdom. “Love means never having to do something you’re not comfortable with.” What a load of … you can guess what! When you fall in love, you tell your partner your deepest darkest secrets. You tell them things about you that you would never tell anyone else. It’s like Superman giving Lex Luther a mayo jar of Kryptonite and saying “Can you hold this for me?” We all do it, but when you like at it like that, is it a comfortable feeling? At some point during your relationship you’re going to feel awkward, exposed and unsure. THOSE are not comfortable feelings. But we do it. Because in doing it we become closer to our partners. We do if FOR love, BECAUSE of love and most of us will find it, at some point, uncomfortable.
I HATE having my picture taken. I think that in my pictures, I look like Ricky Lake’s inbred cousin.. and not cute Ricky Lake.. fat hideous talk show Ricky Lake. Whenever anyone takes a picture of me, my immediate reaction is plotting how to get the camera, and how to erase it. And.. I do. At some point during the night after you’ve taken my picture, I’ll ask to look at the shots you’ve taken. Or maybe you’ve put it down somewhere and walked away for a min. The result is the same either way. You’ll be looking through the pictures later, and you’ll say “hmm… I thought I took one of Sharon”. but there will be NOTHING to prove you did. My family, my friends, they all know that a camera pointed at me means all out war to get those pictures erased.
Because of that, I have very few pictures of Shel and I. VERY few. Looking through my picture folders right now, I can count… 5. In a 2 year relationship.. with an average of about 4,000 pictures taken in 9 months (Yes, I HAVE counted), and some SUPER cool adventures… 5 pictures. I know he thinks I’m silly. I know he would love to have pictures of us, and I know that he hates it when I erase them. So… Time for me to step out of my comfort zone. Time for me to step way out of my comfort zone.
Shel is coming home for a visit. (I KNOW!!!!! But don’t ask when because I am NOT going to jinx it!). I am more excited then I have EVER been. (well, with one plane ride exception, but… that’s a different story) And I want this visit to be special. I want to make him SO happy he came home. So… in the spirit of making him happy, I talked to a friend of mine who is wanting to get some photography experience, and we’ve arranged a photo shoot of sorts for when he’s here. A full day of pictures of us. and at the end, hopefully a picture he can put on his desk at work or slip into his wallet to flash around (:P). The strangest part? I’m actually excited about it!!
For me… love is stepping out of my comfort zone, and feeling comfortable about doing it.
oh yeah… and… Randy, Krys, Mom, Dad, Kirby, Rochelle, Brenda, Terry, Jessica, Judy, Jaqi, Shel, Shannon, Cathy, and everyone else I forgot… sorry about your camera.