I am in the waiting place. Waiting for things to work out, waiting for plans to come through, for promises to be made a reality, and for dreams to come true. Dr. Seuss was right. It is a most useless place. My mind trips over 1000’s of different scenario’s and I feel like I’m riding a roller coaster, both excited and scared about what is around the next turn. Is a twisting coast up to the top of a mountain peak? or a terrifying drop that makes you feel like your about to hit the ground. Its hard. Probably one of the hardest places I’ve been on this journey.
I cannot wait to move on to the next step. To feel like some kind of progress is being made. I was out gardening in my parents back yard today, and.. I want my own backyard. I want my own adventure! I know gardening doesn’t seem like a big adventure to most people.. but its more then that. It’s our house, our garden, our family, our movie night.. its all those things that I’m waiting for.
Do you remember being a kid and knowing that summer vacation was coming? How hard it was to concentrate on anything else those last few weeks. Or, being an officers kid, finding out in May that you’re moving, and spending that last month dreaming about what your new life was going to be like. That’s me. Dreaming about what my new life is going to be like, but unlike moving back then, or summer vacation, I don’t have that specific date to keep in mind. To count down towards. I have “someday” and “eventually” and those are hard words to comprehend when everything else is on hold.
Its hard. Very hard. But Shel keeps reminding me that “someday” and “eventually” this will all be a minor glitch in our story. That this will be something we can look back at and say “But look where we are now”.
Till then, I hold on to those promises, those “when”‘s that we talk about, and take a little bit of comfort in Dr Seuss’s words in the next line of the story.