There are a lot of things to be worked out, but the one thing we both agree on without a doubt is we cannot imagine spending our lives without each other. So… that equals M… M…. mmm…. the M word! (no that’s not the ONLY thing I’m going on, but I can’t give you ALL the details!! sheesh!)
So.. why a post about M… M… mmmm THAT if there’s nothing official yet? Its probably because in the realm of things I thought I’d do in my life… THAT is not one of them.
I’m not that girl who planned her wedding in grade 3. I never played “wedding” and white frills fancy dresses REALLY weren’t (nor are they now really) a big part of my life. I LOVE love. I love the idea of it. I love the feeling of butterflies in your tummy before that first date or butterflies in your brain after that first kiss. Love is Incredible. Amazing. Indescribable and I love every second of it.
Love songs, love poems, love notes, love stories, love birds… LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
M… mmmm..mmm… marriage… that was a scary word for me… an 8 letter word.. that’s like twice as bad as a four letter word. Mention the word commitment to me… and I used to run as fast as I could in the wrong direction. You know the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts? Well that could have easily been based on my early years as a “grown up dater” lol.
I was talking to a friend of mine once after a really rotten break up of a pretty serious relationship, and he said “I could never picture you getting married. You bolt when people get to close.” I was pretty offended by that. Why COULDN’T he picture me getting married? or… more importantly, why couldn’t I?
I loved love… turned to mush with the slightest hint of sap. Hold the car door open for me, and I’ll giggle about it long after you’ve dropped me off. Love is a many splendid thing… 😛 So what was it that was making me nauseous at the thought of it? Looking back, I can tell you I was young. I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I was burnt early on, and from that moment, my heart was more closely guarded then the Pitt-Jolie kids. (and I guess looking back on it, that friend who said he could never see me getting married? He was my ex fiance.. so probably not the most unbiased opinion out there.. :P)
But if allowed a truly heart-felt moment, I think it was because my heart knew what it was looking for long before my brain did. I wanted someone who would love me for me. Someone who would let me learn to trust them on my own time. Someone who was OK with my cracker side, and just as OK with my down in the dumps side. Someone who would sit with me when I was sad and not say “cheer up!” but “I’m here”.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put into words the incredible “Ahhhhh!” feeling that came over me when I was on my first date with Shel. It was as if my heart suddenly woke up and said “Hello old friend! I’ve missed you!!” The butterflies were there as he came to pick me up. The butterflies were there when he dropped me off after the movie (as well as a few bats after the scariest date movie ever! Who’s idea was it to see 30 Days of Night?). They were there when we took our first job working together, and they are there every single day when we log in to chat. They don’t go away. EVERY single day is a new adventure and a new chance to feel that incredible “Ahhhhhh!” feeling all over again. One of the things we have a habit of saying to each other when one of us has pulled through something with the others help is “When you’ve been there… you just get it”. And that’s what its like for us. The baggage we each brought into this relationship.. its like a matching set.
We rely on each other. Our days go a lot smoother when we recognize how connected we are to each other. If he’s sad, a sudden “I love you” will pop up on his MSN. If I’m finding the distance rough one day, when I feel like I’m about to burst into tears my email will ding with a “Love Love Love”. We just get each other. It’s incredible how many days go like that for us. Heck, we even worry about the same things. LOL.. I’ll have a rough day and tell Shel something I’m worried about. He’ll calm me down, tell me its something I never have to worry about, and you know what? I’ll believe him! Then two or three days later… he’ll have a rough day and when I ask what’s up, it’s the same thing that I was worried about. How many times we’ve said “Remember when you told me that was something I’d never have to worry about? Well the same goes for you.”
He’s great. This love is great. Hard at times.. but that’s what makes it even greater. And you know what? I’m excited about getting married!! I think about it all the time. I talk to Shel about it ALL the time! Its going to be fun, great, and probably one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. (red tape, delays etc not included :P)
Know what I did tonight? Picked out the song I’m going to walk down the aisle to. Its going to be perfect. When you’ve been there… you just know.