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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Happy Birthday Unexpected One!

I didn’t plan on my boyfriend moving in with me. One day he was there and he just didn’t leave.

I didn’t plan on getting pregnant right before my 22nd birthday.

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I didn’t plan for my boyfriend to relapse, empty my apartment of any valuables and leave an ex gang member and his kid in my apartment all alone until I returned home from a 12 hour shift (while 2 months pregnant)

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I didn’t plan on having to ask my parents if I could move back home with them the next day.

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I didn’t plan on keeping this strange being that was frowning inside me. Plans were made, social workers spoken to, and it just was not the plan.

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I didn’t expect to see this little person and fall hopelessly in love with him.

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I didn’t plan on my then boyfriends exit from a treatment program to just be one in a string of what would be 23 attempts at sobriety and counting, leaving me to be both mom and dad with my parents as back up until my prince charming (aka the hubs) could find his way home.

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I didn’t plan on this little human I had just fallen in love with to suddenly stop breathing and almost die in my arms. I didn’t plan for him to spend 3 day in one of the worlds leading children’s hospitals where we found he wasn’t suckling properly and had almost died I starvation in a world filled with supplements, formulas etc.

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There have been a lot of “didn’t plan”‘s happen in my life but today, as Child the III turns 10, I’m do glad this “didn’t plan” worked. It saves my life.

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Happy Birthday Monk

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Wordless Wednesday

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Shhh!! Don’t tell!!

Do you remember having a secret as a little kid?  Something someone told you, or something you saw or did?  I SUCK at secrets.  I’m sure I must have driven my friends and family crazy being the blabber mouth.  Dancing around, pigtails bouncing all while saying in a giggled whisper “I know something you don’t know!”

Christmas time, My folks would try as they could to hide my Prezzies, but I would find them, and then on Christmas day be able to hold up a box and announce what was in it a la Johnny Carson and his magic envelope.  These days, The hubs goes so far as to hide my gifts in the safe at work, knowing I can’t get to them.  If there’s something going on and I don’t know or understand, it’s my nature to seek it out, so that I can be on a level field.

I’ve never really understood the point of a secret.  Is it the allure of power or importance knowing something others don’t?  Is it some twisted desire to watch others twist and flounder while you hold the key to their troubles in the palm of your hand? (see… told you I’ve got hunger game-brain).  I just don’t get it.  In fact, I’ve gone so far as to teach our kids that our family doesn’t “Do” secrets.  That we’re a family and good or bad, we’re in it together.

I find myself feeling like there’s a secret.. and that I’m not part of the group that’s holding it close to their chests right now.  It frustrates me, because I have never been a “I know best” person.  I’ve never been afraid to ask others for their opinion knowing that their answer might be better than mine, or might give new insight to what I’m dealing with.I belive there is no other way to do things than to be transparent.  This is me.  I’m not perfect, I’m capable of mistakes, and I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t know it all. In the last 4-5 weeks, I’ve had too many conversations to count with people who are shocked, surprised and at times irate that we don’t know what they know when it directly affects us.  When people come to me with bits of conversations that they’ve had with others, and those bits reveal things that I should probably know but don’t.. because of “secrets”… It’s frustrating.  I feel lost in my surroundings right now.  Half a story here, Bits of a metaphor there.  Why bother?

Have you every actually tried to keep a secret?  Its exhausting!! Worrying you’ll give away too much, or that you’ll get on the bad side of the person who told you this secret.  Wondering if they’ve told someone else, and if that person blabs if you’ll get the blame.. Good grief!!

Don’t get me wrong.  Being transparent isn’t easy.  Exposing your faults, admitting your shortcomings… its scary.  Laying all your cards on the table is risky.  People might find out you don’t know everything.  They may even find out that you.. gasp… have problems, but from experience I can tell you that if my choice is between the person bubbling with secrets, or the person who’s openly hurting and sharing that with the world, I would pick the latter any day.  I respect them more than someone who’s secrets seem to say they don’t respect me.

 

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes I just need to recharge. The bests place for me to do so? Outside.  Every now and then I need one of those outdoors, slip off your shoes and walk in the cool grass kind of days. Last weekend in the mountains I did just that; renewed my soul.

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For those of you interested, today’s I am Second post is David McKenna

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

I am Second

When I was shopping for table swag for our mens camp, I came across these bracelets.

Instantly they caught my eye.  “I am second?” What in the world did that mean??  I picked it up and in the package is a card that read:

Peace.  Purpose.  happiness.  Everyone is looking for something, some kind of satisfaction.  But what if life is not about you?  What if life is about something bigger, someone bigger?  What if you live second? Join the movement and find out what it means to be second.

Huh… sounded great, so I ordered them for the guys for camp, and then with the business of the weeks since, I’d forgotten about it until picked up the order this week.

We picked up the bracelets and some scripture rocks and as I was taking them out of the box I remembered that I hadn’t taken a look at the I am second website.  So I logged on while sitting on the front porch with Child the III.  What opened up before me on that website was stories… dozens of stories of people who made the move to put God first, and themselves second.  Actors, Athletes, Musicians…. all sharing their struggles… their personal… intimate struggles with addiction, cancer, forgiveness, abuse. An endless list of people sharing, and Over the last 24 hours, I’ve listened to so many of them.  Sharing in their little jokes, shedding tears for their sorrow and rejoicing at that turning moment when God spoke to them and said “Now!”

I’ve signed up to take the I am Second 22 day challenge.  Each day a new video, each day a new challenge.  Here is today’s video from Brian Welch of Korn.   Brian Welch: I am Second.

Today’s challenge?  Share this verse with a friend. (although I think it was meant for me these last few weeks)

 
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Posted by on May 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

There’s an Echo

** Lets try this again.. technical difficulties abound today **

Things here are winding down as we approach our closing date.  For those of you who have visited us in the last 2 years (or one of the other 23 spread across the South), these pictures may tell you some of what we’re feeling today.

Monday’s are a day off for most of the warehouse people (an attempt to cut costs with desk staff, etc.  It’s a whole new ball game when your dorm and offices/warehouse are 3 miles apart).  I often find myself drawn to the warehouse on these quiet days, reflecting on the week ahead or the week behind us. This is where I “Practice my arguments” – a trait that runs in my family when confronted with a situation, we like to play out the “I’ll say… and then he’ll say…” We’re not crazy.  We’ve been tested.

When word of our closure was announced to the public, we went from phones that rung all day long to silence in the span of about a week.  Where carts once loaded with unexplored treasure once sat, these carts remain stacked, waiting to be “relocated”.

Today I’m using this quiet time to pack up my office.  Books that have been passed down from my parents and their 27 years experience in the same field.  Books with my moms name on them remind me of how much I’m like her (Although growing up I’d never have admitted that).  Several years ago, my dad was in a similar situation closing the same type of program.  Books with my dads name on them make me wonder what sage advice he’d offer. (Knowing him, it’d probably be “listen to your mother”).

The Hubs is using his time to help one of the departments that’s short on hands.  With so few people in the center, we are more often than not out in the warehouse side by side with everyone else, elbow deep in some department or another.

These are strange days for us, but throughout all the stress, and frustration, there is a peace that we’ve all been blessed with, knowing that God uses anything and everything as learning experiences.

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Mothers Day Lessons

My Mother taught me LOGIC…”If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”

Child the I, II and III in various stages of causing us heart failure.

My Mother taught me MEDICINE…”If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”

The Boys enjoying a 4D movie at the Atlanta Aquarium

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD…”If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”

Child the I taking the Chocolate Test at Hershey University

My Mother taught me ESP…”Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”

Mom, My Bro and I in Mission British Columbia, the first place I remember calling home.

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE…”What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”

Child the III, what WERE you thinking?

My Mother taught me HUMOR…”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

The first of many leg incidents for Daddy.

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…”If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.

Child the III and mom planting a veggie garden

My mother taught me ABOUT SEX…”How do you think you got here?”

I’m in there!!!

My mother taught me about GENETICS…”You are just like your father!”

Thankful I share MANY of my parents traits

My mother taught me about my ROOTS…”Do you think you were born in a barn?”

She’s come a long way since taking me to the county farm and almost throwing up in the cow pen 🙂

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE…”When you get to be my age, you will understand.”

I am one year younger than my mom was when she had me. I’m pretty sure I’ve still got LOTS more to learn before I catch up to where she was at this point.

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION…”Just wait until your father gets home.”

I am filled with anticipation for any trip home because of moments like these!

My mother taught me about RECEIVING…”You are going to get it when we get home.”

And, my all-time favorite – JUSTICE…”One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU — then you’ll see what it’s like.”

Child the I, II and III in Scotland this summer. I only hope to teach them even 1/2 of what my mom taught me

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Uncategorized