Do you remember having a secret as a little kid? Something someone told you, or something you saw or did? I SUCK at secrets. I’m sure I must have driven my friends and family crazy being the blabber mouth. Dancing around, pigtails bouncing all while saying in a giggled whisper “I know something you don’t know!”
Christmas time, My folks would try as they could to hide my Prezzies, but I would find them, and then on Christmas day be able to hold up a box and announce what was in it a la Johnny Carson and his magic envelope. These days, The hubs goes so far as to hide my gifts in the safe at work, knowing I can’t get to them. If there’s something going on and I don’t know or understand, it’s my nature to seek it out, so that I can be on a level field.
I’ve never really understood the point of a secret. Is it the allure of power or importance knowing something others don’t? Is it some twisted desire to watch others twist and flounder while you hold the key to their troubles in the palm of your hand? (see… told you I’ve got hunger game-brain). I just don’t get it. In fact, I’ve gone so far as to teach our kids that our family doesn’t “Do” secrets. That we’re a family and good or bad, we’re in it together.
I find myself feeling like there’s a secret.. and that I’m not part of the group that’s holding it close to their chests right now. It frustrates me, because I have never been a “I know best” person. I’ve never been afraid to ask others for their opinion knowing that their answer might be better than mine, or might give new insight to what I’m dealing with.I belive there is no other way to do things than to be transparent. This is me. I’m not perfect, I’m capable of mistakes, and I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t know it all. In the last 4-5 weeks, I’ve had too many conversations to count with people who are shocked, surprised and at times irate that we don’t know what they know when it directly affects us. When people come to me with bits of conversations that they’ve had with others, and those bits reveal things that I should probably know but don’t.. because of “secrets”… It’s frustrating. I feel lost in my surroundings right now. Half a story here, Bits of a metaphor there. Why bother?
Have you every actually tried to keep a secret? Its exhausting!! Worrying you’ll give away too much, or that you’ll get on the bad side of the person who told you this secret. Wondering if they’ve told someone else, and if that person blabs if you’ll get the blame.. Good grief!!
Don’t get me wrong. Being transparent isn’t easy. Exposing your faults, admitting your shortcomings… its scary. Laying all your cards on the table is risky. People might find out you don’t know everything. They may even find out that you.. gasp… have problems, but from experience I can tell you that if my choice is between the person bubbling with secrets, or the person who’s openly hurting and sharing that with the world, I would pick the latter any day. I respect them more than someone who’s secrets seem to say they don’t respect me.