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Monthly Archives: August 2012

My Truths this week

1)  On Thursday, while home trying to kick this colds butt, I ate 4 packs of fruit gushers.  What?? The word FRUIT is right there in the title!!

2) I think my nutritionist knows the only way I’ll drink a whole bottle of water it to tell me I need to take 8 vitamins a day, because I can only take them one at a time.

3) There is nothing worse then getting a B12 and a B1B6 shot and then sitting in traffic for 3hrs.

4) I ❤ my Obagi skin treatment but with 6 different bottles to put on my face TWICE a day, I’d rather sleep the extra 15 min.

5) We’ve been at our new job 3 weeks, and put 3 cars in the garage.  I SWEAR we’re not hard on our cars!!

6) I secretly dream of owning my own bake shop, but am afraid that I’d gain back the 120lbs The Hubs and I lost within the first week of operation.

7) Child III, yesterday while feeding the dog NEXT to the sink, asked “Can someone turn on the water for me?” and I came out from the living room to do it!

8) I heart my camera so much, but am saddened by the lack of opportunities to use it.

9) Waiting SUCKS!

10) This morning I DID NOT eat a marshmallow Lucky Charm from Child III’s cereal.  In the world of Food Addiction, I call that a WIN!

11) oh… and yeah… this, this picture right here… I owe you…

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Posted by on August 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

I’m gonna write you a love sing

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  Music speaks to me in a way nothing else can. When The Hubs and I were separated by Oceans and by Borders and by Circumstance, I can’t remember how many times I’d cuddle into bed with our web cams on and ask him to sing me to sleep.  When we were courting (wow… there’s an interesting word), The Hubs used to sit behind me and sing in my ear (strange, I know… but even stranger, 16-year-old me loved it!!) This weekend he’s at The Salvation Army’s Southern Territories Bible Camp, and is singing with his sister during the closing service.  He’s sent me a grainy video of them practicing and I’ve played it enough in the last 3 hours I’ve had it that Child the III now knows all the words.

Obviously with the 1001 emotions running through my heart right now, My Baby-Love song list is growing.

If you don’t have the time or the interest to listen to all of these, PLEASE take a few minutes to listen to the last one, “Happy Ever After In Your Eyes”  It’s by Ben Harper, my absolute favorite crooner-I’m-Not-Married-To, and it was written for Heath Ledger’s daughter Matilda.  The lyrics of these will find themselves in Becky’s room somewhere somehow.

I Was Made to Love You – Toby Mac (Yes, I know this isn’t exactly what this song is about, but I cannot hear the chorus and not think of Becky)

Thank God for Unanswered Prayers – Garth Brooks – So many times I prayed for “Just this last fertility treatment to work”, and not understanding why it wouldn’t.

God Bless The Broken Road – Rascal Flatt

Your Song – Elton John – “So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue. Anyway the thing is what I really mean Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen”.

Count On Me – Bruno Mars

Happily Ever After In Your Eyes – Ben Harper

 

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Timothy Green List

Have you seen the commercial for “Timothy Green”?  The parents sitting in front of the fire listing what their kid would be like? 

With The Hubs out of state, Child I and II out of the country, and Child III at school, I’m sitting alone in the house, and all I can think about is this little girl, MY little girl. 

I sent The Hubs a text and said “Tell me about her” and Instantly our own “Timothy Green” list started.

“She’s going to play with her Barbies, and play princes, and she’s going to dress up and make us do it too.”

“When you go away, you will have to video yourself singing her bedtime songs because she won’t sleep without them.”

“she’s going to want a bedtime story every night, and she’s going to love the pigeon books.”

“She’s going to love to curl up on mommy’s lap and play with your hair”

“She will need daddy to serve tea at her tea parties”

“Mommy will teach her to bake so she will make yummy cupcakes”

“She’ll make daddy breakfast in bed on Daddy’s Day”

“She’ll laugh at daddy crying at sappy movies.” which led to “No she’ll climb up in your lap and say don’t cry daddy”.

What she looks like, eye color, hair color, skin color, freckles, NONE of that matters.  We have no idea where she’ll come from, or what the circumstances are, but what I do know is that she is already SO loved.

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

morning sickness?? Paper cuts?? Huh?????

So if you’ve read back through my blog, the fact that I’m a raging baby-maniac isn’t new.  For the last 3 years having a baby has consumed my every waking moment. 

After 2 years of failed fertility treatments, and a tearful, heart wrenching decision to not try anymore, the thought of having a baby had left my world of “Possibles” and moved to the “Things I will regret till my dying day” category.

A few months ago, The Hubs and I were driving down the road and he kept huffing in that “I’ve got something to say but I don’t know how you’ll take it” kind of way. Finally I looked at him and said “Spill it.. whats up?” And he opened his mouth and out poured an answer to prayers that I had hardly allowed myself to whisper in the still of the night. “What if we adopt a baby?”

We prayed, we talked, we cried, and then we did all of it all over again, and in the end, it felt like that is where God was leading us.  So we said yes to the calling, yes to putting ourselves out there to have our lives examined, yes to telling total strangers our deepest darkest secrets in the hopes of being picked first for dodge ball… well not really, but it suddenly felt like that.

I’ve spent months reading everything I can get my hands on about adoption, including a bunch of blogs from people in various stages of the process.  A lot of them had the same comment somewhere in them.  There was blog after blog of potential mothers asking “Can I love another woman’s child?” That’s probably one of the things I’m the least worried about.  We have 3 beautiful children whom I love and would lay down my life for.  Only one of them shares my DNA, but the love I feel for each of them is so intense and ingrained into my body that I knew this wouldn’t be a problem, I already love another woman’s children.

Last nite The hubs drove 7.5 hrs home from a week long retreat he was attending in North Carolina, so that we could attend a mandatory meeting with our adoption agency.  We went over costs, laws for our state, processes,how they take care of the birth mothers, and with every new question, and every new slide they showed, my heart felt more at peace then it has for months.

We are going to adopt a baby!!!!!

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Wordless Wednesday

More to come tomorrow….

 
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Posted by on August 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Wordless Wednesday

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my Dads Bible from training college

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Clutter

I’m living a cluttered life. As a person with anxiety issues, moving represents some of the things I hate most. Change, uncertainty, and living unorganized until boxes can be unpacked.

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Growing up I remember hearing “a messy area is a sign of creativity”. I had a sign in my office in Nashville that said “a cluttered desk is a sign of genius”. We actually took turns at first, presenting the sign to the person with the messiest office, but somehow it found a permanent home in mine. As we unpack, we’re finding we have too much stuff and not enough space, so we’re weeding out.

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The house is reflecting my thoughts these days. A growing “to do” pile, and “boxes” everywhere. Self doubt, hurt feelings and bruised egos lurk in the shadows of the boxes. The mental clutter is starting to affect my prayer life too, which I’ve already been struggling with.

I pray in the shower. It’s sometimes the only place where I can have a few minutes without interruption. Sometimes.

So this morning I’m praying. I start off with the usual “Thank you for this new day, this new opportunity…” and I start thinking about Child the III’s first day of school yesterday, because it involved a lot of new for him. Then I start to wonder about the before and after school program I’ve enrolled him in. Oh yeah, I was praying. So I pray for the school care workers, for Child the III as he gets used to the program.

Hmm… We have our completion banquet at work tonight, so we’ve got to pick him up earlier. Hmm… We’re having pork chops for dinner tonight. Kiddo and I don’t eat pork chops. I wonder what I can bring for him? Oh yeah!! Praying!! “be with the men who complete tonight, theirs is sometimes a harder road then the newcomers.”

Etc etc etc. you get the idea. It was a cluttered prayer to start my cluttered day.

But all I need is today. One day at a time, right? I’ve been blessed with another day. Another chance to say “Thank you”, “I’m sorry” and “I love you”.

 
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Posted by on August 7, 2012 in Uncategorized