So if you’ve read back through my blog, the fact that I’m a raging baby-maniac isn’t new. For the last 3 years having a baby has consumed my every waking moment.
After 2 years of failed fertility treatments, and a tearful, heart wrenching decision to not try anymore, the thought of having a baby had left my world of “Possibles” and moved to the “Things I will regret till my dying day” category.
A few months ago, The Hubs and I were driving down the road and he kept huffing in that “I’ve got something to say but I don’t know how you’ll take it” kind of way. Finally I looked at him and said “Spill it.. whats up?” And he opened his mouth and out poured an answer to prayers that I had hardly allowed myself to whisper in the still of the night. “What if we adopt a baby?”
We prayed, we talked, we cried, and then we did all of it all over again, and in the end, it felt like that is where God was leading us. So we said yes to the calling, yes to putting ourselves out there to have our lives examined, yes to telling total strangers our deepest darkest secrets in the hopes of being picked first for dodge ball… well not really, but it suddenly felt like that.
I’ve spent months reading everything I can get my hands on about adoption, including a bunch of blogs from people in various stages of the process. A lot of them had the same comment somewhere in them. There was blog after blog of potential mothers asking “Can I love another woman’s child?” That’s probably one of the things I’m the least worried about. We have 3 beautiful children whom I love and would lay down my life for. Only one of them shares my DNA, but the love I feel for each of them is so intense and ingrained into my body that I knew this wouldn’t be a problem, I already love another woman’s children.
Last nite The hubs drove 7.5 hrs home from a week long retreat he was attending in North Carolina, so that we could attend a mandatory meeting with our adoption agency. We went over costs, laws for our state, processes,how they take care of the birth mothers, and with every new question, and every new slide they showed, my heart felt more at peace then it has for months.
We are going to adopt a baby!!!!!