Monthly Archives: October 2012

The wonderful world of make believe

Lets pretend for a second that I’ve written here every day for the last month and today’s post is just another in a series of hilarious antidotes about life in ministry, life with kids, life with your soul mate and a few animals thrown in for good measure.

Got it? Good

Lets pretend its early evening and I didn’t just stuff an empty gummy candy wrapper under the couch cushion in my attempt to appear I have my latest food addiction binge under control.

While we’re at it, lets pretend I didn’t just have a war of wild with my 10 year old over distributive properties in math. Lets also pretend that I remembered to get my 19 year olds card in the mail on time, and that I wasn’t eating my way through the shame of being a rotten miles away mom.

In this magical land where all is right with the world I’m not secretly wondering how much of the garage actually needs to be clean before the social worker come for our home visit before the adoption.

And in this land of “other” alter-me has it all under control and for sure isn’t harboring an anxiety fueled need to purge ANOTHER 4 loads and label boxes of paper and rewrite all my file folders with a neat .5inch margin.

Alter-self has this all under control. No worrying about the future, no stressing over visits and parenting skills and perfect wife syndrome. She’s got it all handled.

If I buy a pair of ruby slippers and then click the heels together, can I go to the land of make believe?

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Posted by on October 16, 2012 in Uncategorized


Daddy’s girl

I don’t know what to write, except that I feel like I need to say something.

Tomorrow will be 2 years since my dad died.  It doesn’t get easier.  There are days where I can laugh at stories about him, and days when I catch a glimpse of his picture and it can reduce me to tears.  I never know which is going to happen, all I can do is deal with what comes.

I wonder what he’d think about the choices I’ve made in these last 2 years.  If he’d shake his head and “tut” at me, or if he’d cheer me on like he did his beloved leafs in a late night game.  The realistic part of me knows that my dad isn’t in pain any more.  That he suffered so much in this life, that he’s in such a better place. The other part of me shakes my fists and wants to scream “It’s not fair!” There was so much of my life that I didn’t get to share with him.

I wonder what he’d say about our center being shut down, knowing he went through something very similar.  Or what he’d say about the job we have now, being able to focus on the men, just like he loved to do.  I know that my dad loved every one of the 20+ years he spent in the addiction field, but I’m sure his last few years as chaplain were some of his favorite, being able to focus on the men and not worry about the administrative side.

How excited would he be about our adopting “The Princess”?  How would he feel about us naming her after his mom?  I never met my dad’s mom, but the stories I’ve heard about her are hilarious. I’m sad that she didn’t get a chance to meet him either.

it’s just a strange day today.. and tomorrow will probably be just as strange.

I miss my dad.


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Posted by on October 11, 2012 in Uncategorized